Dreaded words

To me, some of the most dreaded words in the English language are “why don’t you just adopt?”

… as in Nike’s ad that says Just Do It.
… as if it were that simple.

Yes, millions of people have adopted, and I am an adopted kid. But, to quote the old saying, things are never as easy as they seem.

There are many factors involved in adoption that are not generally known. I mean, hey, who wants to know exactly what their dentist does. Much better if I don’t have to know more of the details than the fact he fixes my teeth. Not the gruesome details of how. Since most people don’t need to know the details of adoption, they assume it is easy.

The actual legal steps usually aren’t that difficult. With your attorney’s help, you follow the procedures. Once all the steps have been taken, boom! You’re a parent.

The emotional steps and questions are much harder.

Open adoption or closed?
What race child do you want? Or do you care?
Will you accept a child with emotional and/or physical disabilities?
What about parental drug use while pregnant?
Will both the parents sign off on the adoption?
Can I love a child that isn’t biologically mine?

What happens to our hearts when it doesn’t work out?

I don’t try to educate people anymore about the processes and the heartache. They still ask why we didn’t Just Adopt.

When it happens, I close off my shrieking heart, and quietly tell them… sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

And when I leave them, I pray for my little girl, the child of my heart…