Monday, November 10, 2014

password blues

Yep, am singing the password blues. Too many needed. Different for each app or website.

Lost track of a couple. No time to either figure it out or set up new.


Eventually I will get back into all my stuff.

...may there be mercy and memory.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

long overdue begin again

Wow... It's been a lot longer than I realized since I've been here to post anything. So much has happened in the interim. Random, fast written thoughts designed to just get me back into putting thoughts and things out there...

Life is very different around our house as the Man has retired. While that sounds like a great thing, and it really is, it was scary and hard and stressful to get here. But here we are and on we go. Figuring out a schedule for his days that includes structured chore time, and still time to enjoy his hobbies. The garage got cleaned out a couple weeks ago, and he is almost set up to start working on his train layout. The day it got cleared out, he dreamed out loud for so long about where things would go and how he was going to build the train layout he has been dreaming of for years. My heart had a deep, deep happy that night.

I took up running! On January 6th, I started with a couch to 5 program. Well, I thought it was a couch to 5k program, but had misread the flyer. It was a couch to 5 MILE program. Thankfully I didn't realize that until halfway through the program, when I was already close to the 5k running stage! The goal was to run a local 5 mile event that would be the Saturday at the end of our training program.

It was incredible to finish that race, the entire 5 miles running, in 1 hour and 25 seconds. The sense of accomplishment and pride in myself was amazing.

I became a runner, with a runner family/community. Incredible folks who support and love me, not for how cool my outfit is or how nice I look, but for me, the me inside. Because the sweaty, no makeup, open mouth and let fly person, that's who they see. They rarely see me in work or dress up clothes and makeup. Running clothes, dripping sweat, exhausted from the run me. The one who doesn't care what I look like, and the filters are GONE. that me is the one they see... and love. Wow.

Over the summer, I trained for a half marathon. It was unbelieveable to be able to run so far and to feel so good. Healthier than I have been in 30 years. Crazy different and crazy good. And at the 11 mile mark of training, a crazy injury of tearing my leg in 2 places. Just 3 weeks before the big race.

Devastated and so hard to get over the impact of that loss of dream. Weeks in a knee brace, which helped the knee tear, but not the calf tear. Weeks on crutches to help the calf tear. Weeks of slow, slow, slow walking to begin to rebuild use.

Loss of any motivation to do anything physical. Emotional heaviness due to lack of physical release. Depression cycles back to a low level.

And I keep fighting.

Today, I ran for the first time in 3 months. It was a 5k/10k event. Ran most of the 5k event and am feeling like I won that battle. The leg feels good. The rest of me is sore, as the neglect of 3 months of slugdom shows. But my heart and emotions are lighter. And... There are plans in place to get me back out of this low cycle.

Tuesday morning I will run with a friend before work. Wednesday evening I will run with another friend. Other days will involve crosstraining with a third friend. Burden shared is burden lifted.

Okay, enough random thoughts to move me forward. Dinner smells fabulous and needs to be eaten.

...may there be mercy in healing.