Monday, March 31, 2008

3BT spring

Just need to take a moment and find some beauty...

1. matching up fabric triangles for a quilt. It's for my sister-in-law and I let her pick the fabrics. I would not have picked them to go together, but the colors are pleasing nonetheless.
2. having a brand new radiant heater under my desk at work. It sends a little warm glow over me and I feel better.
3. hearing Mama's voice today.

...may there be mercy and moments to find beauty.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

quilt of love and hate

It's National Quilting Day and yes, I'm spending today quilting away. This quilt is for my friend, coworker and the Official Office Big Brother, James... who has inoperable, terminal liver cancer.

Last year I made 5 quilts for friends with cancer. As I sewed, I prayed for each of them. For healing, for comfort, for the awareness of how much each of them is loved, for strength in the treatment process, for peace.

And for a year not filled with making quilts for friends with cancer.

Thus far, each of them is kicking cancer's ass... even Dwight, who has pancreatic cancer and we know that he probably won't see Christmas. But he wasn't supposed to see last Christmas, so the fact that he is still with us, fighting with all he has, means he is kicking cancer's ass.

But James... sweet, loving, caring, generous, big-brother James... his health has been so bad for so long that he doesn't have that much left in him to be able to fight as hard. Bless him, he hasn't given up yet, but his ability to fight as hard as others might... well, it just isn't there.

So I'm working quickly on this quilt. For many reasons, I love this quilt. For other reasons, I hate it.

I love it because the fabrics are rich and lush, yet simple in the designs. They speak to me of James. Civil war reproduction prints that are beautiful. I hate it because James is so much a part of my life and he is being taken away from me.

Love it because it's tested my ability to allow imperfections without fretting about them. Love isn't perfect, and it's about letting people be imperfect. Hate it because James won't be able to enjoy it for very long.

Love it because the quilting in the border is symbolic of hugs and kisses and the hope that he feels wrapped in love when he uses it. Hate it because I so hate cancer for the suffering and pain it causes.

As I stitch, sometimes the tears block my vision so badly that I can't tell what I'm doing.

Enough rambling... I need to dry my eyes and put the binding on this quilt of love and hate.

...may there be mercy in the sorrow and joy in our time left with James.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

normal life

So... ummm... yeah, it's been a while.

A lot has been happening and yet, nothing more than normal life.

At the same time, normal life is a wonderful thing.

Here's an overview of stuff. If you are interested in more detail on any of these things or anything else... email, call or sit down over coffee with me. Y'all know I love to talk. Besides, it will give me a chance to catch up on you - which is more important to me anyway!

• Health: Neck is doing better after a series of trigger point injections and some really good physical therapy. Yep, that's injections, plural. Lots of needles (with medicine in them!) stuck into my neck, shoulder and upper back. During the sticking... a bit on the "OWIE" side. Within a couple minutes, waaaaaay less pain and I'm liking that! The best news is that so far this year I've not gotten the terrible congestion-type crud that has been making the rounds at my office.
• Work: mostly equates to same stuff, new day. Nothing terrible, nothing wonderful... but that's actually kinda cool right now. At the same time, we are really hoping for it to get busier soon.
• Family in San Diego: Mama and sisters are fine. Big brother continues to do well in spite of the toll his illness took on his body. Next brother is holding on, but barely. His life is horrible right now, but he is chosing to stay where he is in order to have a positive influence on his young son, age 6. I bless him for this choice... and worry about him for it at the same time. Last brother has deliberately chosen to go back into the drug culture and is using again. I'm really, really pissed off at him. Long story. Since it was a deliberate choice, I'm pissed.
• Precious Father-in-law is doing well for an 85 year old man. We spent the evening with him recently and just enjoyed our time so much. He makes me laugh!
• Sweet husband is delightful. He bought me a new ring to celebrate our 20th anniversary... and it's stunning. We put the diamond from my original engagement ring into it. He was so cute and had such a sweet grin on his face when he slipped this new ring on my finger. Gosh, but I love that man.
• The timechange will take a few days for us to acclimate. I've never done well with the spring loss of an hour. Takes me longer than most folks to get over that exhausted feeling of getting up earler.

And... thanks to that timechange issue, I'm exhausted and going to stop rambling for tonight.

...may there be mercy in our normal life issues...