Monday, February 13, 2017

a day with hope

My young friend was given the gift of life and hope today... in the form of a heart transplant.

After the emotions of waiting for updates over a 12 1/2 hour surgery, I'm exhausted. Even good emotions expend energy. We expended a lot of energy today... praying, laughing and rejoicing.

Tonight, my sweet friend has a heartbeat. And a pulse. And hope.

And the chance to spend the rest of her life with the man she loves.  Oh, yes... after she recovers we, her extra aunties and her mama, get to start helping to plan the wedding!

...may there be mercy and quick healing. 

Thursday, February 09, 2017


Dementia is a thief.

It steals so damn much.



                         ...viciously, in its hidden places.

It takes away my strength, energy, and abilities to do things I normally don't even think about but do quickly and easily.

It takes away his dignity in every way imaginable. In all those ways we are vulnerable and private.

The bathroom. The bedroom. The shower. Taking medications. Feeding oneself. Following simple instructions. Figuring out how to do simple things one has done all of one's life.

Relationships... friends, family, spouse... yeah, even me.

Sometimes he will be talking to me and say that we need to talk to ~c about that.

ouch... ouch... oh, damn, deep pain... ouch.

In my heart, I scream... "wait!!! I am ~c" ... but I don't say it out loud because I know that he still knows who I am and he just got his words mixed up. Again.

But it still breaks the deepest part of my heart. The part where the thief has taken away just one more thing that hits at the foundation of us.

And then depression takes its shot at me, too. The other thief.

I will fight these thieves, even though I know there is no possible way to win against one. For as long as possible, I fight with the Man for us... for him... for myself... even though I know the thief of demetnia will win eventually.

That's what love does. It fights always. And I love him.

the other thief will NOT win. Depression lies, and will not win.

... may there be mercy, and peace in the battle and losses.