Monday, November 28, 2005

Disjointed Thoughts...

This is a jumble of disjointed thoughts tonight.

Heading to sleep... flying out in the morning to finally meet my aunts and my friends. I'm excited and wonder if I'll sleep at all.

Oregon was a blast, as it always is. My friends are amazing people who welcome us with joy and fun every year. The 3rd Annual Day After Thanksgiving Breakfast was a wonderful time of chatting, laughing and comfort foods.

Today was a lovely time over lunch with my mentor and dear, dear friend. I love vacation time when I can have a leisurely lunch with her and not have to race back to the office in an hour.

Snow expected tonight, which makes me nervous for the drive to Sea-Tac. We have to get up so early already to get there in time for checking in. Thank goodness I only do carry on luggage.

Sleep calls... may there be mercy...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

40 Hours

It’s official… Right now I have only 40 hours of official work time left before vacation! Of course that doesn’t count overtime, which I do seem to work every day. But who can count overtime hours on the countdown to vacation?

On this vacation, I’m taking a trip and it’s just for me. It’s going to be a 5 state journey into past, present and future.

Part of this trip is to visit longtime friends… folks we have known for 18 years. With much pride, we have watched their son grow from a cute little boy into a man and a soldier. We’ve shared each other’s pain in times of trouble. We have rejoiced together and laughed and teased. It’s become tradition to spend Thanksgiving with them. And it is always good.

Part of the trip is to discover my past and my family. I’ll be meeting my birth father’s 3 sisters… my aunts, for the first time. When I met my birth father, it was a great experience. I can expect no less from his sisters because they have been equally as wonderful to me over the phone.

Part of this trip is to discover my friends. I have a great group of online friends, a couple of whom I’ve met previously. This trip, I get to see one of them for our 3rd Annual Day After Thanksgiving Breakfast and then I get to meet more of them as I travel. It will be cool to see who they are in person compared to who they are in my mind and heart.

When they meet me, I wonder how the real me will compare to the person they have in their minds and hearts.

So far, when I’ve gotten to meet people from this online group, it’s been a feeling of coming home to friends I’ve known forever. I cannot imagine this would be any different… and I am so excited!

Oregon, Washington, Texas, Mississippi and Alabama… a whirlwind 5-state journey of discovery and fun.

Hoping the 40 hours pass quickly…

Friday, November 11, 2005

Broken memories… broken hearts

I made a discovery this week that breaks my heart.

My sweet mother-in-law has not only forgotten who I am… she has forgotten a large portion of her 77 years of life. I hate Alzheimer's.

Earlier this week we had a moment of grace when she knew who I was and actually introduced me to someone. That happens rarely, if at all, anymore.

Last night I realized that she currently thinks of “home” as a place she lived in many years ago… in Pontiac, Michigan, where my husband was born, and where they last lived in 1957.

Till now, "home" has been San Diego, California.

Home to her has moved from that lovely place in San Diego. Now, “home” to her is Pontiac, Michigan and more specifically a home that they lived in when my 55-year-old husband was a 3-year-old boy.

I don’t think she even knows she is in Washington now.

She has lost 48 years of her life and memory… and my heart is broken for her.

My husband tells me that this is harder on us than on her. And I know he is right, even though his heart aches, too.

It does not matter that this is harder on us than her. My heart still breaks for her.

I truly am grateful she still remembers her husband of 57 years.

I truly am grateful she remembers her children. (ages 55 and 53)

I truly am grateful for the moments she remembers me, her daughter-in-law of 19 years.

And yet…

… my heart breaks for the person she was…

… and the losses in relationships…

… and most importantly, what an indicator of a big decline this is in her life.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Sewing... sewing... sewing

Still working on the table runner project... but number 5 of 7 is now done. Yay! I need to take a break from these because I'm getting bored with the construction process.

I do love how pretty they are when done.

I've got a list of other things I need to make for Christmas and birthday gifts, so I'm going to start on those now and then come back to the last 2 table runners. One is for my office gift exchange, so it can wait a few weeks.

Working overtime, so I'm tired. Early bedtime... may there be mercy on my sleep... and mercy on my day tomorrow.