Monday, January 09, 2017

joyful memories

Tonight, after a lovely dinner out to celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary, we sat and listened to the audio of our wedding. Holding hands, playing the game of "remember when..."

It was wonderful.

Dementia has taken so much already from the Man, and from me, that those moments when "remember when" isn't painful... well, there just isn't any middle ground. When it isn't painful, it's fabulous.

He remembered exactly who sang at our wedding. He remembered the name of the song that was sung while we took communion. He remembers the Pastor who married us. He remembers the incredible steak dinner we had that night at the hotel. He remembers so much of that day.

What a gift on this anniversary.

Yes, I would marry him all over again, even had I known that we would face infertility, depression, PTSD, loss and dementia.

Because we faced all of that together, and we fight it all...  together.

That's what love does. 

And when he can't remember, I will remember for us both.

...may there be mercy and more days of memories to treasure together.

Monday, January 02, 2017

finding gratitude

Sitting in front of a nice fireplace, sipping a little amaretto over ice, the Man reading next to me... it's a bitterly cold evening, but we are warm and cozy inside.

I've been on vacation since about 2 pm on December 23rd when the boss closed the office early for Christmas. It's been a great time off, and I'm actually rested up pretty well for once.

We've inventoried several things in our home while I've been off work... books, movies, the Man's toy  trains, etc... so as I sit and sip, thinking about returning to work tomorrow and this new year, of course, I'm taking an inventory of those things that happened in the last 12 days for which I am so very grateful:

... there has been a lot of really good sleep over the last 11 nights.
... the Man has had several good days, where his dementia was not so striking and his cognitive processes were much more like the "him" that I remember.
... we had time with one of our oldest and dearest friends, who is an extra brother to me and one whom the Man loves deeply, too.
... we got to spend time with our extra nephew, who is home between deployments.
... we got to share some amazing wines with friends over great meals and wonderful conversations.
... I got a bunch of stuff organized and/or cleared out of the house, which helps clear my mind.
... we watched several movies, which we love to do together.
... I enjoyed an extra long, leisurely lunch with my mentor and spiritual mom - almost 3 hours of laughter and her wisdom and love.
... the Man indulges my level of football crazy watching my SeaHawks play even though he doesn't really care about football and when I yell, he gets upset due to the dementia - but he indulges me anyway.
... a few mornings ago, he woke up concerned that I check on his life insurance policy so that when I need it, it is there for me. He is still trying to protect and provide as my husband, even though the scope of his ability is rapidly diminishing.

And there is so much more that hit my heart in good ways this vacation time. Which helps me be ready to go back to work tomorrow with a happy attitude.

...may there be mercy and gratitude found each day this year...