countdown

Surgery is in less than 36 hours… and it’s suddenly hitting me (again) that this is REAL. I guess it’s because the pre-op nurse called me to go over all the standard medical questions they have. Somehow answering all those questions makes me reach the place that I dread.

Pre-surgery jitters.

I get ‘em every time I have surgery. Mostly now because I just know too much about what to expect. About how my body reacts to medications. React being the key word.

I don’t tolerate anesthesia well and I’m allergic to almost all painkillers. Not good for a body that has required 25 surgeries thus far.

Yep, I’m dreading the throwing up part and the pain part.

I told the nurse that I don’t respond well to anesthesia, and that usually I throw up for about 4 days afterward. She thought I was kidding. I wasn’t.

I gave her my lengthy list of medicines to which I’m allergic. She needed to turn over her paper and write on the back. She finally asked me what painkillers I’m NOT allergic to… and what did I do for pain after other surgeries.

There are only a couple things I can take for serious pain, and the doctors don’t really like to have me take those because they are so harsh on the body… and highly addictive. I hate taking them and usually only do so on the very first day.

If I can make myself step back and watch my emotions, it’s interesting. On one hand, I’ve got the pre-surgery jitters and normal fear and dread of all the known stuff that happens. On the other hand, I can’t wait for it to get here because I want this lump OUT.

It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.